Today I read an article a friend posted by a woman who calls on all women to tell the "REAL number". To share with others the real number of children in the family when they are asked. She has 3 boys. Two living with her, and 1 little boy in heaven. Her youngest was born prematurely and went to live in Heaven after only a few days old. She reminds us that a baby is a baby, starting with the first positive pregnancy test. And no matter when your baby passes, he/she was real and the love felt was real. So lets be real, and tell the REAL number.
Instantly, my mind drifted back to my angel whom I have never met. My first baby, gone to Heaven before my 8 week ultrasound. Only a handful of times I have thought, I have 4 children, my oldest in Heaven, my 3 younger boys with me. My angel was with me such a short time, but has made a huge imprint on my heart. I'll never forget the love and joy right from the start, then absolutely broken when he/she was gone. I have peace because one day I will meet my oldest. Danny and I are curious if our 1st would have been our baby girl. :)
Skipping ahead now to Christmas Eve 2013. We celebrated at my parents house with my brother, his wife, my cousin, and uncles. As always, we enjoyed each others company, sharing gifts, and food.
The picture below was taken by my dad, with his camera on Christmas morning.
This photo has not been edited.
This angel stands in a pool of water, and the sun has melted the angel some, but you can still clearly see what it is. How did this happen? To a family of believers, we think an angel visited us on Christmas. But, to be thorough, my dad showed this to the smartest man he knows. An engineer at at work. The engineer says he can't find any scientific explanation.
So after reading the article today, and instantly thinking back to April through May 2007, I then thought of this ice angel. Maybe it wasn't just any angel visiting, maybe it was my first baby. <3
Had my pregnancy lasted, I would have been full term at Christmas that year. Just a little fun fact to throw in there. :) As always, thank you for reading my blog.
Melissa....I have been reading some of your past things that you wrote after reading this one. Hilary had a miscarriage shortly before they moved to GA. I was devastated. I had seen the ultrasound picture of the baby's beautiful face. I think about that baby all the time! For some reason, Hilary and her husband did not want to know the gender of the baby. They also did not bury the remains. I think that a miscarriage is almost as bad a losing an existing child. A few weeks after the miscarriage, they sold their house and moved to GA. Hilary had to give up a tenured teaching position that she loved and leave her family and friends. She had a complete mental breakdown at the airport and ended up coming home two days later and stayed for a month. She couldn't eat or take care of her kids. I think it was because she never had a chance to grieve for baby she lost. You'll see your little angel someday. Did you read the book by the four year old that got a glimpse of heaven and saw his sister that his mom miscarried? It coming out at Easter at the theaters. People don't think how devasting a miscarriage is. They think it's like passing some unrecognizable tissue not realizing that that so called tissue was a unique creation of God's. After Hil lost the baby, I find that I am much more sensitive to the feelings of women who have miscarried. Anyway...I love your blog and thanks for sharing! That ice is definitely a visit from your little angel.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, I had no idea. :( I can really understand the devastation and Hil not being able to care for herself or her kids. It's so traumatizing and I'm not sure anything can help. Grief just has to run its course. I remember my grieving period vividly, a horrible horrible time.
DeleteI'm not sure I would read the book, or see movie. Unless the miscarriage part played a small role. Its kinda tough to revisit those feelings. =/